Holding Space

When we are surrounded by crisis, our natural tendency is to want to help- to hold a hand, give a hug, or offer some words of advice. Sometimes we even go so far as to want to literally rescue the person from their pain. But what about those times when there truly is nothing you can do or say to relieve that pain? Sometimes the best we can do is hold the space for someone else's grief. This doesn't mean that we need to carry it in our bodies- this would of course be detrimental to our own health. It simply means that we allow them to have the experience that they need to have, while we compassionately listen or just sit with them.

I had the opportunity to experience this on a large scale at the community ceremony we held over the past two days. Several members of the town who had recently endured tremendous loss came in to participate in the creation of a Despacho (or prayer bundle). What I noticed almost immediately was my discomfort with the pain that was surrounding me. Then I realized that I was trying to "fix it"- to somehow alleviate the overwhelming grief rather than just be a space-holder. Once I reminded myself of this fact I was able to step back into a place of neutrality- allowing the emotion to flow freely without attaching to it. I honored their experiences- but didn't try to become involved in whatever was playing out.

When we do this- we allow the complete healing to take place. Instead of carrying the pain for the other person- we hold the container in which they can process their grief themselves and come back to a place of balance. We are essentially the theater in which the play is being enacted. If we attempt to become involved in it somehow- offering distractions or excuses so that they don't have to fully experience it- then we are keeping them from fully recognizing and embracing the lessons and gifts that are enveloped in the complex folds of the healing process.